Belle
I held Belle yesterday while he fell asleep. David sat by me wiping my eyes since I had both hands on Belle. We totally didn't see this coming.
Belle (my white parakeet, who I had in Searcy) had a foot problem since early December. Early December is also when I got "a foot problem." We had no way of getting him care while we struggled so hard to get me care. We even had a vet appt for him the Saturday between finding out Judah had died and me actually going into labor. Obviously, we had to cancel it.
So we finally were able yesterday to take Belle to a vet - a special 24-hour hospital for exotic critters. He'd had a growing foot problem for nearly 4 months. I'd even tried to give him some of my own antibiotics when we couldn't get him vet help.
Before doing anything else, I asked the vet to give him pain relievers. They gave him a shot of some form of morphine. We continued from there with blood work.
I don't precisely understand. But something that Belle's kidneys were supposed to filter out and send out through his urine was thick in his blood - over 3 times what it should've been. He had what was kidney failure or very near it. The masses growing on his toes and legs was built-up waste.
He had a chance of living if we put him in the hospital for atleast several days for fluids, meds, and morphine. (Didn't know if it'd work and we've been hoping to adopt for a long time - it was a huge amount of money we could put toward adopting.) Or we could take him home to die with pain meds that wouldn't even have taken the edge off for him. (I nearly tried to kill myself because of a desperation for pain relief. I have uncommon understanding of that.)
So I chose to put him down. I couldn't choose my bird over having a baby. And I couldn't make him live in pain. I know pain.
So he was given a sedative, and I held him while he lazily bit at me then fell asleep. I had a while to talk to him and cry my eyes out. Why does all my little stuff keep dying? I kissed his teeny soft head and brushed my cheek on his back. I also discovered that he's been hiding some pale blue feathers he never told me about.
Once he was asleep, I handed him to the vet for more pain-killers before he was actually put down. I looked at the clock and knew he'd be gone by 3:15.
My adult Holly made a good decision. I chose getting a baby over keeping a bird. And I chose to put a stop to someone's pain.
My child Holly though is horrified. I feel like I killed my birdie 'cause I didn't run back there to rescue him. And I keep bursting into tears 'cause I want my birdie back. Belle was my friend for a long time and I miss him.
________
And no, we have not committed to adopting. We are doing a ton of research right now. So nobody go asking us questions about what we're going to do.
Belle (my white parakeet, who I had in Searcy) had a foot problem since early December. Early December is also when I got "a foot problem." We had no way of getting him care while we struggled so hard to get me care. We even had a vet appt for him the Saturday between finding out Judah had died and me actually going into labor. Obviously, we had to cancel it.
So we finally were able yesterday to take Belle to a vet - a special 24-hour hospital for exotic critters. He'd had a growing foot problem for nearly 4 months. I'd even tried to give him some of my own antibiotics when we couldn't get him vet help.
Before doing anything else, I asked the vet to give him pain relievers. They gave him a shot of some form of morphine. We continued from there with blood work.
I don't precisely understand. But something that Belle's kidneys were supposed to filter out and send out through his urine was thick in his blood - over 3 times what it should've been. He had what was kidney failure or very near it. The masses growing on his toes and legs was built-up waste.
He had a chance of living if we put him in the hospital for atleast several days for fluids, meds, and morphine. (Didn't know if it'd work and we've been hoping to adopt for a long time - it was a huge amount of money we could put toward adopting.) Or we could take him home to die with pain meds that wouldn't even have taken the edge off for him. (I nearly tried to kill myself because of a desperation for pain relief. I have uncommon understanding of that.)
So I chose to put him down. I couldn't choose my bird over having a baby. And I couldn't make him live in pain. I know pain.
So he was given a sedative, and I held him while he lazily bit at me then fell asleep. I had a while to talk to him and cry my eyes out. Why does all my little stuff keep dying? I kissed his teeny soft head and brushed my cheek on his back. I also discovered that he's been hiding some pale blue feathers he never told me about.
Once he was asleep, I handed him to the vet for more pain-killers before he was actually put down. I looked at the clock and knew he'd be gone by 3:15.
My adult Holly made a good decision. I chose getting a baby over keeping a bird. And I chose to put a stop to someone's pain.
My child Holly though is horrified. I feel like I killed my birdie 'cause I didn't run back there to rescue him. And I keep bursting into tears 'cause I want my birdie back. Belle was my friend for a long time and I miss him.
________
And no, we have not committed to adopting. We are doing a ton of research right now. So nobody go asking us questions about what we're going to do.
posted by Holly and David @ 8:01 AM
3 Comments:
At 11:10 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I understand... My Tippy was 13 years old. I got her when I was 10. She died right after her 13th and right before my 23rd. Dr.Lillard had been her vet for 10 of those years, and she is the reason he is my vet today. She loved him and was never afraid of him. He was compassionate to her and always talked to her instead of just me. When we had to put her to sleep, I held her and cried the whole time telling her how sorry I was and how much I loved her. After it was over, Dr Lillard hugged me and told me I did the right thing. It's hard to find a vet that HONESTLY cares that much about furry family and their humans.
At 11:13 PM ,
Anonymous said...
PS... When Tim and I got married, we lost my cat Nina, our kitten, a Cottontail Rabbit that I raised from a baby after our bird dog brought him to us, and one of my hermit crabs. In the span of 3 months.
At 12:01 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Hi Holly,
Dropping in to see how you are doing. It's good to see you up and around. We lost both our dogs within 3 months of one another in 2007. 2007 was a sh$%^y year all around for us. Our first dog who died, we made the decision to have her put down. I still remember holding her as she left us and want to go back and hug her again and again. Our second dog had a seizure after we'd spent several thousand dollars to keep him around. His seizure was very painful for him and I wish we had been brave enough to let him go earlier. But, I am sure that if we had chosen that path, I would have doubts with that decision, too. It's doubly hard when you need your pets there to love on after losing a baby. They are so healing to have around. Take care of yourself my friend.
Zoie (zoie2013)
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