Day Number 2

Today was Day Number 2 of being home alone. I've been sticking with my schedule from counseling. That tells me what topic to work on when, so I don't really get a chance to think - which would likely lead to an anxiety attack or worse. David calls every hour to make sure I'm still ok - no one roll your eyes, there've been days when he couldn't go to work at all. He doesn't "allow" me to stand much while he's gone either for fear I'll over-do it, make my feet hurt, and proceed to panic.

Anyway, the counseling schedule keeps me busy until 5:30 and then there's only 2 hours left to stay busy until David gets home.

At the moment, those 2 hours are spent catching up on my email and forums. I'm also nearly done getting something like birth announcements ready to send out. The ones going to family members have already been sent.

I don't know what I'll do with those 2 hours once all my sit-down work is done. We've already gotten pretty creative with how to make standing work sitting work. Won't be a prob for another week though.
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I'm at a complete loss as to how to feel about pregnant women, and women with little ones (Eden would be about 2 weeks old now). I'm jealous, happy for them, scared for them, and feeling passed-over/left-out. The doc Monday mentioned that babies die for a reason - that they're sick and their deaths are "good." Yes. He used the word "good." Bet you can guess how I feel about that.

One thing about it, I don't have any of the negative feelings toward women that have lost a child too. I figure they EARNED the kids they have. Rejoicing comes easy there.