Bethel, and God's not the Bible

Hi Everyone. I'm wanting to catch you up on 400 things. So here's my scheme: Me talking now, and me inserting parts of recent emails I wrote a few people. Some of those inserted bits will sound like me yelling, "Hyper! Hyper! Hyper!" But I figure you're used to it.

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Bethel.

I hesitate wording my stories from California publicly. You see, the theme of my stories is "I kept hearing God all week!" However, I KNOW that many of you always hear him more than me, and I have to be able to make eye contact with you Sunday. I'm laughing... but totally serious.

We were 3 hours off the plane, at Trader Joe's, when it suddenly clicked with me that all this "supernatural stuff" is available to ME. It's not just superheroes that these gifts are given to. I would've told you I already knew that, but I guess only my brain knew.

As soon as we were in the car, I was on the phone with one of the guys who was flying in the next day, "Miiiike! It's all reaaaaal! It's all real! It's all real! Miiiike!" He couldn't understand a word I was screaming.

The next day, we drove to the Redwoods. It's 4 hours one way, mainly on the sides of mountains, some on the Pacific coast. I have never seen such beauty. I've been sitting here a few minutes trying to word this next concept... I wasn't seeing the beauty of the land, instead I kept whispering, "You're so beautiful." Something in my heart was getting it.

And starting that day, through the trip, I heard him (in some form) atleast 5 times a day. I've never heard him so much. I am in awe - primarily of his love.

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A Bethel snippet I emailed my parents:

Oh! And the first night of the conference, Monday, I was praying with a random woman who'd been in the front worshipping with me. There's a certain good quality that I've been confident, for years, I do.not.have. And this lady called it out.

She was praying for me, paused, and started telling me I AM the good stuff. Verbatim what I've always said I *wasn't*. And now, I have the confidence to bother trying again. (Clear as mud? Yeah - don't really wanna open myself up to anyone disagreeing with the lady.)

Oh, so turns out, random lady = conference coordinator. Clearly prophetic random conference coordinator.

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Enough about the un-explainable. Ask me if you want. I'll email a novel.

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This is the perfect spot to talk about missing T. I went to California depressed. I'd said on here beforehand that I was very grateful to be going, but that "my mood is not in the mood." I was (obviously) deeply sad.

But 3 hours off the plane, everything changed. I found comfort like I can not describe. I was full of joy that week.

Now, I'm getting his comfort in the tears. But there haven't been many of them. Strange really. God hasn't pulled the pain out of my life, but he brings so much comfort that he might as well have. I feel heavy with sadness, but it feels sweet - just because I'm so aware he's here.

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Pictures of my bracelet are on Facebook. And I can email them if you're not on there. I only don't want to put the pic here because it's such an identifying thing. Same reason I don't put my face on here.

I wanna tell you a little something about it though. T's strand has a butterfly charm added to it. A week before he died, God gave me a dream where the Spirit came on me in the form of butterflies.

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This borders on too personal for the blog, so I'll keep it brief and lacking detail, but...

I realized last weekend that I've equated the Bible to God. God's been displaying his power in ways that are not holding up under my theology. He's been undeniably trumping my understanding of the Bible lately.

Not that I'm chunking my Bible out a window, but I'm starting to see I've made it a paper idol. God is not trapped in the Bible.

I guess the jist of what I'm saying is that I haven't "allowed" God to change anything. (Like how Peter's dream about the sheet full of animals changed things.)

I've heard something like, "God will never contradict his Word, but he'll gladly contradict your understanding of it." I love that he does (sparkles anyone?), but boy can it get emotional.

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Anyone remember me hardly being able to walk or stand last year? I finally got some help with it.

Part of an email again:

[My doctor] and I talked a lot about my foot problems, and she (finally *somebody*!) was able to give me a good explanation of what's wrong with them. The summary goes like this:

Eighteen months ago, pregnant with Judah, I got a SEVERE foot cramp in both feet at once. Worst pain I've ever had next to labor. Likely had to do with nutrition. Apparently, my feet were actually injured by it.

Since then, every day, my feet have hurt. It seems the *primary* injuries were to my fascia (arch tissue.) It's worst when I first lay down at night - getting completely off my feet allows them to clamp down.

SO. She showed me how to stretch everything *all* the way up the back of my leg, told me to get really good arch support, and we have the option of a boot to sleep in - to keep my feet from being able to curl downward. (The right is worse so I'd probably just get one boot.)

Wacko. Disabling injuries from a cramp. Just wow.