"If I live through this..."

There's a story in the Bible where God tells King Hezekiah he'll die. When Hezekiah pleads with God to heal him, God decides to give him 15 years more to live. I found myself in a similar situation these last months, pleading with God to heal me from the Lyme and the foot pain that came with it. I was terrified - truly believing I'd either die or want to (from the pain) and not be able.

I lamented (and I mean that) to D nearly every day that I'd learned SO much from being in this position, and I wanted to share it with others, and God would've wasted something if I didn't recover. (Since God has limited resources ya know.)

During those months, I was making a list in my head. It was a list of things that would be different "if I live through this." It's written now and I keep coming back to it every day.

• I'll focus on a relationship with God.
• I'll make my years count - in a way that'll matter for eternity.
• I'll seek the Spirit - gifts, hearing God.
• I'll be grateful for everything I can hunt down to be grateful for.
• I'll always understand how close I am to dying.
• I'll keep the loose ends tied off.
• I'll home-make instead of house-keep.
• I'll focus on people, fostering relationships with family and friends.
• I'll help other people.
• I'll share with others what I've learned (heaven's close, people are important, focus on knowing God, prioritize).
• I'll milk a laugh or joy for all it's worth. I won't miss any.
• I'll work to develop who D and I are as individuals.
• I'll understand the years beyond age 25 are a merciful gift.
• I'll understand I'm not alive so I can be happy or live for pleasure.
• I'll share with others the extra level of compassion and nurture I've developed.
• I'll take advantage of opportunities to show affection, remembering times when I couldn't stand to be touched.
• I'll focus on D, building our relationship as a couple.