J Would've Been Born

Give or take a few weeks, this is when J would've been born. I think about my kids every single day, so a special month doesn't really make things worse. But I am a bit more sad than usual now. Enough to make it worth posting about.

I really can say though that a lot of good can come out of this. Losing a child makes you a better parent. It's something that has to do with gratitude, and not taking your living kids for granted. It makes you more diligent about truly loving your kids, and wanting to do the parenting job as honorably as possible.

Losing E and J also means that I will always have babies. You hear women all the time say, "Oh, they grow up so fast" or "wish they could stay little." Once I get to heaven, I will have a baby on each hip (oh, maybe I'll share with D), and I'll be the envy of all the other chicks. Sure, I'd rather have them here, but the heaven arrangement isn't bad per se.

Not like losing kids is a walk in the park. But God can pull good out of everything. Maybe that's my main point. Here's a public "THANK YOU, LORD" for pulling good out of grief.