He's Worth It

My appointment with my counselor Monday night turned out to be my last one.

It'd gotten to the point that the only thing I ever had to tell her were stories of God interacting with me. I'm sure none of you are surprised. Though my counselor is an awesome chick, God's totally taken over her job.

I talked some about my single biggest emotional problem, and ended up concluding that God's doing what she would've tried to do to help - but more efficiently. God's been giving me the comfort and instruction I need there. I could stomp away if I really wanted, but the love he dumps on me along with the help is compelling.

I also talked about the baby issue, but ended up saying, "It was worth it."

Seriously, THAT'S God. Losing the 2 of them, I've been ripped to shreds twice over. But ya know how I rarely have anything to talk about besides God? There's a reason for that. He has consumed me. He was literally my only means of surviving around February. Now, the life I have is adamantly lived through him - and for him. The goodness of God far outweighs the badness of losing children - or of being in so much physical pain, or of having to try and prepare my husband for my death, or of any of the thousands of other terrible things humans go through.

It was worth it. Knowing God has made it worth it. I'm officially addicted. I am in love. I am quickly becoming radical. I pray that process speeds up. I am committed. He's not giving up, and neither am I. I'm in.

He's worth everything.